Just wondering...

How come not one psychic, throughout the whole planet, predicted Michael Jackson's death?

Quick joke

Two scientists walk into a bar, and decide to have a drinking contest.

The first walks up to the barmaid and says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, please."

The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O, too."

Needless to say, the first scientist won.

If I told you...

... you wouldn't believe me.

Mnozil Brass

Try this.

Students, cause chaos in your town! Wait until you spot some young men from the council digging up the road. Call the police and tell them there are some students, dressed as roadworkers, digging up the road for a bet. Then approach the roadworkers, and tell them that some students, dressed as policemen, are going to try to arrest them.

Get a deckchair and enjoy the action.

Now that I drive a VW...

Looking for Mohammed

A Muslim was killed in a car accident and arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "Hello, I'm St. Peter. Welcome to Heaven." The Muslim says, "Nice to meet you Peter, but I'm a Muslim and I want to meet Mohammed." St. Peter replies, "Sure, no problem. Climb up that ladder behind you and you will meet Mohammed."

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top and there is Moses. Moses says, "Hi, I'm Moses. Welcome to Heaven." The Muslim is very excited. "Moses, it's such an honor to meet you. But like I told St. Peter, I’m a Muslim and I really want to meet Mohammed." Moses says, "No problem. Climb up the ladder behind you and you will meet Mohammed."

The Muslim climbs up the ladder, gets to the top, yet can't see anything but a bright light. Eventually, after squinting his eyes for a while, he sees a figure before him and asks, "Who are you?" The figure responds, "Greetings, I am God. Nice to meet you. Welcome to Heaven." God walks over and shakes his hand. The Muslim is stunned - he can hardly speak. He says to God, "Sir, it is such an honor to meet you - I can't believe it, this place is great. But I'm a Muslim and, no disrespect intended, but I really want to meet Mohammed."

God says, "Ah... you're here to see Mohammed. I see. No problem. Have a seat. Get comfortable. Can I get you some coffee or something to eat?" The Muslim tells God, "I would love a cup of coffee."

God yells into the kitchen, "Yo Mohammed. Two coffees!"

How to smash a Creme Egg

The Professor

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning, he walked in and said:

"Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?"

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait, ladies," said the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow."