With thanks to Monty Python

All Things Dull and Ugly

(To the tune of 'All Things Bright and Beautiful')

All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.

Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom,
He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid,
Who made the spiky urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did.

All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.

Ouch!

Watch out for the recoil!

Interesting Stuff - How to make a (Viennese type) French Horn

Horn Manufacture - Robert Engel - Vienna

A True Story

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong.

He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles, and he stated the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.

After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions." The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar.

Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?"

The room stilled. There was a long pause...

The pope replied,

"First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex."

"Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex."

"And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."

After another long pause a voice piped-up and asked, "And the fourth condition?"

The pope smiled and replied, "Big tits."

Instruction Manual for Life

Remind me never to get a Wii

Religulous - complete